I am a domestic goddess

Porridge with pecan nuts, dried fruit, sunflower seeds, yoghurt, soya milk
Green tea x4
Banana
Chickpea dhal with potatoes, salad and ratatouille
Apple
1/4 manky buffet sandwich
mini sausage roll
8 olives
halloumi cheese and veg kebabs with tabbouleh

And I went to yoga. And I enjoyed it. And I got almost a high off the breathing. So Sez, you can tell your mates that I am high on the drug that is yoga.

And I watched the football without drinking beer. And I cleaned my house in anticipation of my parents arrival tonight. And I did the ironing. And I went to bed at midnight and am knackered. And I didn't drink beer.

So then, why do I feel so damn fat today and can't fit into my skirt?