I'm back and I'm fat!

Hello everyone!
Sez, I will join you on your new healthy regime, as I have ballooned to a whopping ?!*?**! stone and need to shift weight fast!

My aim is to cut out the sugar, dairy and alcohol, as these are definitely my 'problem' areas - I have had nothing but wine, chocolate and cheese for the past few weeks, hence the hideous state of my body.

Help!