I look like corned beef

I hate being pale - it makes you look fatter than you really are. It makes your skin look bumpy and blotchy and generally a bit yucky. Sunbathing's out as I have skin cancer in my family and I don't tan anyway, and if I try to put fake tan on, I just look streaky.

Nicole Kidman's got skin like mine but she gets away with it, but in reality pale is not interesting or nice. It's hideous, and my legs look as if they have been moulded from corned beef.